A continuous struggle.

For as long as I can remember, I haven't been comfortable in my body.

I began developing a "womanly figure" at a very early age, and I can remember that whole year at school wearing the same little white sweater with purple buttons (buttoned up the entire way, of course). I was absolutely terrified that someone would comment on the fact that my body was the first to develop out of the entire class.

But that wasn't even my first memory of being uncomfortable with my body. My first memory of being self-conscious happened when I was about 6 years old. I can remember swinging on a swing set with my neighbor, Sarah, who was the same age as me. I remember looking down at the way my thighs looked on the swing, and I remember comparing them to how Sarah's thighs looked on her swing. I can remember thinking how much larger mine looked compared to hers.

I can also remember, throughout my 3 years in middle school, praying that God would perform a miracle on my body, and let me become thin and "normal" without my having to struggle. I guess God had other plans for me.

Fast-forward about 10 years: At age 16, I was about 80 pounds overweight. So, I decided to go on Weight Watchers to lose weight. I actually did really well with it at the time. I lost about 60 pounds. Then I reached a plateau. I gave up, went off Weight Watchers, and slowly gained all the weight I lost back, and stayed at that weight for about 3 years.

A few weeks ago, I weighed myself on a whim. To my complete horror, I learned that I had gained about 35 more pounds within this past year. I was absolutely shocked! 35 pounds over 80 pounds overweight?!? That's completely disgusting!

I immediately stopped eating the school's high-calorie food, and ruled out all fast food. In one week, my emergency diet allowed me to lose 4.2 pounds. Not too bad for one week, I guess. Still, it would be nice if there were a way to lose 100 pounds in the two-and-a-half months I have before I will be wearing a strapless (unflattering) bridesmaid dress next to my beautiful (skinny) sister in her gorgeous wedding dress on her wedding day at the end of November ( a girl can only dream!). Unfortunately, that is impossible.

So now it's day 1 of week 3 of my emergency diet, except, I'm trying really hard to change it from "diet" to a "lifestyle change". I know that everyone seems to throw that concept around, but I am really trying to make it my reality.

I've been trying really hard. And it is hard work. Wayne has been sweet enough to volunteer to work as a sort of personal trainer. We have started doing core exercises and arm exercises. Our next step is to start doing some aerobics. I weighed myself again this past Friday, and I had lost another 2.4 pounds, which brings me to a grand total of 6.6 pounds lost in 2 weeks. Not too bad, I guess, but when you take into consideration how much i need to lose, it seems like a very small amount. However, I have always heard that losing 2 pounds in a week is the healthiest weight-loss rate.

I know that I can lose weight because I've done it before, but this time, I've got to pay attention to the reasons why I haven't been able to keep the weight off.

So I've decided that one of the best ways I can motivate myself is to post each week about my weight loss from the previous week, and I what I did to get those results. I will weigh-in every Friday morning, but my weigh-in posts may not be on the same day each week. Also, I will try to post each day about what I ate and what activity I did during the day. Hopefully this will help me to stay on track.

If anyone has any helpful tips, you may comment to tell me, but please do not be offended if I do not take your advice. Remember, I know how to diet. My problem is doing the diet, and making it a habit.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday! It's a new week, and a chance for a new start!