Taking Back Hope

Picture by Morgan

Faith, Hope, & Love. We're all supposed to cherish these gifts from our Father in Heaven.

This year I feel I've grown in my Faith. I also feel I've grown to know Wayne so much more and I Love ever single bit of him.

2009 stole my Hope.

I know that sounds harsh and dramatic and I didn't even realize it was true until today while a woman in church was sharing her testimony and talked about Hope. I can't even really remember what all she said about it (zero short-term memory here!), but the idea really struck a chord with me.

I know I'm not the only one who lost a little bit of Hope in 2009. The majority of the country was affected negatively by the bad economy. I know my family is not alone and I know my family wasn't even close to being one of the worst affected. And yet I allowed it to get to me so very badly. I should have never let anything or anyone steal my Hope.

It's a new year. It's been about a year now since my dad got laid off. He now has a job that can't even really be called a job because he makes less in one week than what my mother makes teaching one day, but the job gets him out of the house, and he likes it. So even though our family is still not completely out of the woods, I'll hold onto the Hope that everything is going to be okay.

Confidence and Self-Worth

I've been thinking about self-worth a lot today. I started to wonder what LDS members and leaders would have say. So I did what I do quite frequently when I have a question about something related to Mormonism-- I asked a missionary.

Now I'm not going to lie, I have talked to some missionaries who I would swear it was their first day, bless their hearts. However, tonight I talked to Sam (do they make these names up, or what?!), who actually lead me to a great talk on... confidence and self-worth.

If you're struggling with self-confidence, or just want a little pick-me-up, Confidence and Self-Worth is a great talk by Elder Glenn L. Pace.

LDS Drug Addict

I want to start this out by saying I'm extremely happy where I am right now. I know deep down that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I don't like it when Wayne's not here, but he's here now so I couldn't ask for more than that! Still, something's been on my mind the past couple days, and I just want to get it out.

Sometimes I wonder if I get more grief from people about becoming a Mormon than those who have grown up in the church.

Most of the time it's just jokes, and I'm fine with that. I'll laugh at a joke about how I now am destined to have at least a dozen kids. I may giggle at a joke about being one of Wayne's three wives. But when you tell me it's a false religion, that's just not funny.

I'll give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that their heart is in the right place, and that they're just trying to show their love for me. But really, if you want to "help" me, there are many other ways. If you want me to believe what you believe, then show me how great it is. By showing me how rude you can be, you're turning me farther away. Think about that.

If you feel your mission in life is to help others to learn about what you believe and to show them your way is the right way, maybe you should try talking to someone who doesn't know what to believe, rather than someone who is strong in their faith.

I'm hoping this blog doesn't sound angry; I'm really not angry. I'm hurt that people I call my friends, people who say they love me, would tell me I'm wrong in such a rude manner. This is why Morgan is my only true friend, apart from Wayne. We don't always agree, but we're nice about it. I just don't understand why people feel the need to put others down when they don't agree with them.

I'm sure I'm just letting it get to me too much, and I shouldn't do that. I really just wonder sometimes if people are more concerned about me joining the LDS church than they would be if I were a drug addict. Does anyone else feel this way?

The Big Day

No, I'm not talking about my wedding day. That won't be for a couple years now. I'm talking about today, the day I was baptized into the LDS church.

I've been anticipating this day for months now. Since January, actually. When Wayne first told me LDS missionaries were talking to him, I just knew this was fate. I knew he'd join the church, then I'd join the church.

I feel so lucky to have had Wayne baptize me. Everything just worked out perfectly to bring everything together for today. It was amazing having Wayne there. Morgan and Morgan's family basically planned the whole thing and made everything run so smoothly. I'm so grateful to all of them.

I'm not really sure how to write about this any more in paragraph form, so I'll just do a little jot list of things I remember from the day (some of these are embarrassing)...

Elder Olson and Elder Jenkins from the Dahlonega ward got to come
Wayne finally remembered to bring the letter from his Bishop saying he could baptize me
I had to wear all white, but didn't have any white skirts that were below my knees, so I wore a Marilyn Monroe dress with a white shirt over it (see, I told you some of these were embarrassing!)
Brother Collins (who teaches my Sunday school class) helped conduct the ceremony, and helped Wayne and me out a lot
Mr. Blake and Stuart were the witnesses
Courtney played a song for me
Morgan's mom made delicious food, and Morgan baked scrumptious goodies
Elder Lee gave the closing prayer
Elder Clark gave a talk on baptism
This sounds weird, but Brother Collins helped me get my dress to stay down
Wayne kept me calm the whole time; I was very nervous
Wayne said the speech perfectly

Morgan's speech on the Holy Ghost was wonderful. I felt sort of bad because she'd been so busy baking for the day that she hadn't had time to write her speech. I knew she was nervous, but also knew she would do a great job. She started her talk out by quoting a lot of great talks and Scripture, but my favorite part was the ending (sorry that sounds bad, but I don't mean it that way). She talked about how there are lots of gifts in life that are just things, and how those kinds of gifts will never even come close to how amazing the gift of the Holy Ghost is. I didn't receive the Holy Ghost today, but I will this coming Sunday. Poor Morgan started to cry, which of course made me cry, and Wayne squeezed my hand. Thank you so much for your speech, Morgan.

Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post later. Also, here is a blog Wayne wrote about the day.

Thanks to everyone who made the day so special, and especially to Wayne and Morgan. I love you both so much!

Morgan's Presence

I've been thinking a lot about Morgan's presence in my life a lot lately, and I wanted to write this for her before the thoughts went out of my head.

Today was my baptism into the LDS church. My family doesn't know about this yet, so her family has sort of adopted me and has been supporting my in this decision. They've been amazing to me and treated me like a daughter and I'm completely grateful for that. I'll write more about that later, but right now I want to talk about how Morgan has impacted this decision.

Morgan is from New Jersey. She loves New Jersey and the surrounding areas. I don't want to say too much about this because I'm not sure if she'd want me to get into it, but basically she's just not very happy here in Georgia. For the past two years, she's been going to school in New York, which she loved. This year, however, she's going to school here in Georgia, and I know she's not very happy about that.

I'm the kind of person who always tries to figure out why things happen. This past summer, I kept thinking about what the reason was for Morgan having to go to school in a place she's not very happy. I kept thinking things like maybe she'll meet her future husband here or maybe there's someone she needs to meet at school here, etc. Well, maybe those things could be true, but I think I've figured out one of the reasons she's here this year.

Like I said before, her family has sort of become my family. I feel like Morgan is a sister to me. Since the summer, I've been going to church with her most Sundays. She and her mom did pretty much everything for my baptism.

Morgan has been the support I've needed in my life to get to this day. Without her being here, I don't think I'd be able to do it. If she was still in New York, I don't think I'd have the strength and courage to make it to church and meet with the missionaries and get baptized.

I feel sort of selfish writing or even thinking this, but I just can't help but think about it. I'm just so very grateful for Morgan's presence in my life. I know that I would not be where I am today if it were not for her.

Morgan, please don't hate me for keeping you here ;)

The Deal

Elder Housely made a deal with me.



He has to floss every night for a week.


I have to read the BOM every night for a week.

Institute

Wednesday night, I met up with these guys.



We went to something called Institute. I'm sure all you LDS people know what I'm talking about, but for those of you who don't I think it's basically like a Bible/Scripture study.

We were going through a several chapters in the last books of the New Testament, and one part really stuck with me:

¹⁵If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,

¹⁶And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?

¹⁷Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.

James 2:15-17

King James Version

I really love the example given in this passage. I think it's a mistake a lot of people [myself included] tend to make. We are always ready to offer words of encouragement, but often fall short of actually doing anything.

Morgan and I had a similar discussion recently, while I was feeling pretty down-in-the-dumps over a current situation I'm in, and I believe I said something along the lines of "It's not enough for someone to tell you they're sorry you're in such a bad situation, they should do something to show how much they care."

I know that's kind of vague and alludes to something that I'm not quite ready to talk about on here right now, but I really wanted to post the passage.

Maybe it will strike a chord with someone else like it did me.

I'm Growing: Part Three

If you missed last Monday's post, check it out here.

When Wayne told me he would be baptised in February, I knew what his decision meant for me.

I knew that his decision to become a Mormon meant that I would one day become one, too. I was okay with this. Happy about it, even. I liked the idea of it.

I knew that it was no coincidence that Wayne had played football, rather than soccer. God had prepared Wayne, many years before, by giving him the ability to play football, so that there would be a connection between him and those missionaries. So that I would eventually make the same decision he had made, to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (wow, that's a mouthful!).

That brings me here. I've begun speaking with missionaries of my own (who let me call them Jesse and Ryan, and are very patient with me). I'm learning a lot. I'm studying Scripture more than I have in my whole life.

I'm growing, and that's a very good thing.

I'm Growing: Part Two

If you missed last Monday's post, check it out here.

One day in January, Latter-Day Saint missionaries showed up at Wayne's doorstep (okay, that does not really seem extraordinary). Wayne was not home at the time (yeah, that seems even less extraordinary). However, Wayne's mother was there, and as she spoke to the missionaries, somehow the fact that Wayne used to play football came up (and that is the extraordinary part, because not very many Englishmen play American football!).

So, as the story goes, the missionaries came back specifically to talk about his days as a quarterback of the Don Valley Vipers.

Then they came back again. And again. And again. They kept coming back until it came time for Wayne to make the decision of whether to be baptised or not.

This was a really important decision, one which Wayne deeply prayed about, until he came to know what God wanted for him to do.

The day Wayne told me he felt led by the Lord to be baptised and join the Latter-Day Saint faith, I knew my life was changing. In a good way.

Be sure to come back next week for the third and final part!

I'm Growing: Part One

Hopefully I am not actually physically growing, but I am definitely experiencing some major spiritual growth.

To understand, I'll need to start from the beginning. Please stick with me.

As a baby (don't freak out!), I was baptised in the Presbyterian church.

*Fast-forward 18 years or so...*

When I met Wayne, I was not in the best place. I was doing some things I should not have been doing, and I knew that, but I need someone to rescue me from this dark place. My Lord sent me an angel when I most needed one. He sent me my Wayne.

Now when Wayne met me, he was not in the best place, either. He also needed someone to rescue him. That's why Wayne calls me his angel, too.

We rescued each other. That's what soul mates have to do, sometimes.

At that point, Wayne was not a follower of Christ. I began praying for Wayne, that his Heavenly Father would draw him nearer. God, through me, restored Wayne's faith. But he still was not going to church, and had never been baptised.

Then, on an ordinary day in January, something extraordinary happened.

Be sure to come back next Monday for Part Two!